Friday Free For All - Marriage of almost 33 years and counting

OK, so not exactly, since it takes two, and he is working and has such a way with words and quickly (read that quick biting wit) that if he were here he would one up me most of the time - not that I wouldn't give it a good fight and win a round or two. If you haven't yet read my Thursday Thirteen (just below this post) it is about us -- our 33rd anniversary is coming up!

People, a few anyway, wonder how we made it, especially if they knew us toward the beginning of our relationship: I've no clue and no patience to research it or decipher what I come up with. So, obviously, it wasn't because I was patient. Or was it? I was patient in a lot of ways, as was he:

• We patiently, in a manner of speaking, waited for the other to grow up. Notice, I said we. Not that we were teenagers when we married, on the day, he was 25, I was 24. (Leon, I hear you in my head, I DID grow up. . . kind of, sort of, well, in some ways.)
• We patiently, in a manner of speaking, tried to each raise our son by our own methods (Now that was the true free for all, had we only had Dr. Phil back then.)
  
• We patiently, in a manner of speaking, tried to change each other to our own way of thinking and doing. (OK, so that failed miserably - but hey, what a challenge to participate in!)
  
• We patiently, in a manner of speaking, tried to follow our own hobbies, dragging each other into them in some way. (If you think going to Hafla's to watch belly dancing for hours repeatedly over years is really cool, ask Leon about it. If you think going to bars when you HATE cigarettes more than most anything you can think of just to watch your husband play darts well, ask me about it. And don't even ask Leon what it feels like sailing with me freaking at every power boat within view.)
• We patiently, in a manner of speaking, tried to make (yes, make or coerce - the first 25 or 30 years) the other one not just see, but agree with our side. (Leon, you did, too, you just went about it a different way than my in your face method. Man, I've lived with you so long I don't need you sitting here to have a free for all... how awesome.)
• We patiently accepted the underlying personality of the other. (Notice, please, I left "in a manner of speaking" out of this one.)
• We did/do NOT make up before going to bed after a fight, because to us that it was like sweeping something under the rug to make a big huge lump. . . Yes, we did carry things over into later years, because we both had/have such strong views on some subjects. Yes, some days one or two will leap out like a rabid dog. But, I refer you back to the word accepted in the previous point.

I could keep this up all day, but I won't, you get the gist of it, we had a lot of hurdles like most marriages, and patience was both a falsehood and a complete and deep underlying truth. We were patient, in a manner of speaking, because we both knew/know that being married to each other was what we did/do want. We were impatient, too (OK. I know you read stubborn into this, so yes, stubborn, too.) What we didn't know was how to 'marry' two people's ideas and fend off the baggage of different upbringings with ease.

Like some, unlike others, we had outside interference to add to the mix -- from the beginning -- but we refused to let those people pull us apart, whether they were intentionally trying or otherwise; we held together like we had been super glued. At one point we thought of having special wedding bands made up to reflect that we could not be pulled apart. (No, not super glued, but I don't want to share my idea, yet.) I found a jeweler to create our design, but we never had the cash, so never approached him.

What we do have is a bond, others have noticed, even those that probably wish we didn't have commented on it. I don't have a clue how we got that bond, other than one day at a time, one realization at a time, one mouth shut at a time, one mouth opened at a time. . . and patience of some kind deep down inside.

What we do have is plain old fashioned adoration of each other and the ability to see how ridiculous the other person is at times and we laugh -- yes, at each other, but that usually allows the one being laughed at to laugh at themselves and it becomes a memory of laughter together, but I don't suggest trying that at home, it is a fine line to walk. . . guess I can walk a tightrope after all. . . Hmmm. Wonder how far I can push him without our falling off?

No, not going to try that, a few years ago my balance was a bit better than it is now, and his was never quite as good as mine. (Hey, Leon, they already know you do more right than me, allow me this one.)

Live life y'all, some days it is a struggle but oh so much fun at times!