Tuesday Tumble - Our Mom

Mom was born on May 8, 1921. . .

. . . A very very long time ago - and no picture is posted because of computer problems - his PC has a problem and my MAC has been dropped so many times I finally damaged the CD drive so couldn't load the software yet to scan a photo in. This photo, however, represents her love for the ocean. Her dream was to live on the beach - but in Florida - so the sand would be a different color than this Washington beach, but it was the water she wanted to hear. She made it to Florida, but never made it to a house on the beach. Whether it was just Murphy's law jumping in, the powers to be, or that she never pushed herself toward it, I'll never know for sure. . . but she still lived her other dream -- stay at home mom for her children, golfing often until the bottom fell out of finances. As she got older she lived vicariously through us. But neither she nor I see that as a bad thing like so many others do. Living vicariously is still living because you still feel, speak, think, and hear. Yes, two senses may lose out a bit, smell and taste, but in many vicarious experiences they are both included. And living vicariously still allows emotions. . . and living emotionless is not truly living, is it?

Enough of that, I could tell you she raised me with good moral values, she did. I could tell you she was the woman who would give you the shirt off her back, she was. I could tell you she had a sweet side, she did. I could tell you she suffered most of her adult life from major depression and prescriptions only helped some, she did and they only did. I could tell you she was there for my dad when he had Alzheimers until she could no longer handle him, she did.

When she died, I spoke at the memorial service - not of all that - Most there knew who she was as a human being, I did not need to tell them. I told them three of my favorite memories that showed different human sides of her -- and yes, had I not had others with opinions, the photo on display would have been a huge picture of her clowning one day when we were younger, in her dark glasses and sticking her tongue out, her permed hair (that year) a bit frizzy and bleached from the sun and constant golfing. It is not a flattering picture at all, but it was a human being human, just clowning around for the camera. Some involved thought it was disrespectful, so I didn't, only from respect for them -- but I did put it on notes sent out -- yes, I did.

For the memorial, Lina and my brother, Bill, made a collage of photos of Mom's life. It was fun to see the photos. Leon and I took a different approach to flowers, buying small flowering plants and arranging them as though it was a small garden planter, leaving them behind for the church to give to people who needed a smile that week. Mom loved gardening, never did a lot, never had the money for flowers often, but when she did she planted them.

The three stories will come during the week, one at a time, not long stories, but I don't want to cram them in as one long read. One involves bravery, so to speak; one involves breaking "rules" to have a moment's fun with her kids; and the other one, I honestly at this moment cannot remember, but I will. When I get really tired or frustrated or upset, my mind clamps down and refuses to budge until it is good and ready, and it is not ready, but there is a third story I want to share. I leave you with this memorial to her:

Doesn't matter what else Mom did right or what she didn't do well, she gave me the one gift no one can ever take away -- what everyone needs the most, no make that two gifts:

I never felt unloved, not one moment of my life and she never made me feel like I should be anyone than who I was, even when she didn't agree with my choices.

Thanks, Mom.


the night owl said...

Hi Marcia,..... I was reading your post about your Mom..My Mom was born in 1921 on Dec, 22. She is a lady with great energy.She is 85 years old,lives by herself, drives her car,washes her clothes by hand,And can work circles around me.She never worked outside of the house, but raised three kids.All of us are in the medical field.Will talk later,


lisa said...

I truly enjoyed reading this post. It brings to life what a wonderful woman your mother is.

My favorite part is the last bit in italics. A child to feel loved is the best mothering of all.

Marcia said...

Baba - Thank you for taking time to both read and comment on this particular post. It is great to hear you use the term lady when referencing your mom. I'm glad she is so independent! Mom was like that for a long time, too.

Lisa - The italics could have stood alone - I a glad that I recognized what a great gift that was/still is. Thank you for taking the time to read about my mom and commenting!

Matty said...

We realize as we get older that the strengths that we have as women we get from our mothers and their mothers.
There is no better or purer love than a mother's......of that I'm sure.
I am anxious to read more about your mom. I'm sure she is reading over your shoulder right now...so Happy Birthday to Marcia's Mom!

This Eclectic Life said...

Marcia, you are a loving soul. This post, and the others on your Mom touch the places in my heart that try to hide from the light of day. It hurts to read, but it's a "good hurt." Thank you.

Marcia said...

Shelly - I understand "good hurt". . . Thank you for reading and commenting.
The poet in you came out in "touch the places in my heart that try to hide from the light of day"!