How I Interfere With Leon's Well Being - Part 1


Well, Shelly at this Eclectic Life had so much fun hosting her last contest, she reran it. (or maybe because people demanded she run it again, writers do like excuses to write - not that they really need any) Matty, of I think I'm going to hell! fame at Running on Empty won last time and is judging this time and she is drumming up people to enter - guess she needs excuses to sit back and just read funny stories. So, let's give her reason to sit and relax and laugh. You only have until the 5th of this month - start writing or just link to a post you already have, she makes it easy to link. Click on her contest logo above and have fun!

I don't feel funny today, but I may not tomorrow either. So, this is as funny as it gets.

How I interfere with Leon's well being - Part 1

I am a tosser and turner, between an uncomfortable mattress and my hair. My hair is so long now that I can entangle myself in it - or Leon ends up with it in his face - and not happy when he is trying to still sleep and thinks my beautifully graying hair is a bug! He wakes up spitting hair out of his mouth and flailing at invisible things on his skin. I can't help it, I think it is funny. He doesn't.

I am magnetized - to any spot on his body that hurts him. Doesn't matter where it is, where I am, where he has moved to keep me away from it, my body makes a beeline for that spot - and finds it, not to soothe it or kiss it better, but to knee or elbow it, stomp on it, twist it, turn it, bend it the opposite direction, bump it, slap it in excitement, or just spray lemon in it (and I have lemon several times a day, lots of opportunities there). I can't help it, laughter just comes. I know some of it (most of it I tell him) is just that nervous reaction from having hurt him unintentionally, but that doesn't explain why I have tears in my eyes from laughing as I write this, does it?) At least he hasn't started blaming his own trips and falls and bumps on me - yet, but then I think I may just have that strong a pull.

You know how you have to shift your position in bed to be comfortable. Well, I am relatively small and with all the heavy work Leon has been doing lately, his biceps and triceps have swollen - along with whatever muscles line his collar bone. So laying with my head on his shoulder or arm is not always comfortable, not like having a fluffy cloud of cotton under my neck that sinks to accommodate me. And with kids gone, and daylight coming at some ridiculously early hour to slam through above the half height curtain, we stir earlier than we need to get up. So, of course, we have to make up cuddle time missed when kids were climbing in bed or dragging us out of bed. You never know when you might buy a dog again or have grandkids magically appear in our lives. So, I shift and move my head and sometimes his arm repeatedly until I find a comfortable spot. Recently, (this is true, not a story) I had shifted myself a bit lower than comfortable, without thinking I reached up and grabbed his opposite ear and pulled myself up onto his shoulder (I can't type this. . .I can't see through the tears)

OK, I'm calming now. Even with 33 years of Marcia in his life, he was not expecting that. He is a bit leery when I reach my hand toward his face now. . .

. . . and he doesn't like me to put my mouth near his neck -- is it my fault when I bite gently clowning around he is dumb enough to jerk his neck away?

Yeah, I'm laughing.


Matty said...

I know what the problem is! You gave up meat! So of course Leon looks good to you...neck, ear whatever...its meat! You WON'T ADMIT IT...BUT it's true! Leon is a big chunk of meat lying next to you...and you need meat to survive.
I just had steak for supper...and I have no urge to bite anybody....see?

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

Matty - He just started singing, "I am the meat man, Kook koo Ka CHEW" to the tune of I Am the Walrus. See what you caused. I'd say thank you for commenting, but I laughed so hard at your comments and then at his singing and now I can't breathe.

This Eclectic Life said...

Mppphht! Oh, my goodness. I didn't think I would say poor Leon, after he has said that I make up stories! But, poor Leon. Do you not have hot flashes, and fling covers across the room in the middle of the night? I used to love to cuddle, but as soon as a warm body gets near me, I hot flash. I never bite, though. I guess Matty is right. You just need some bacon.

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

This Eclectic Life - I so get like that, the hot thing - like get me on the other side of the room from his body - but luckily - don't get it often - I get wimpy hot flashes - though I think they started in my mid twenties - I just elongated the process. I love bacon. That's one of the few meats I miss -- Yeah, poor Leon.

Sara said...

Hysterical, cheers for the giggles!!

Marcia (MeeAugraphie) said...

Sara, glad you saw humor in it. Thanks for commenting!